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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764513">Three Weeks Now</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abra_ca_fuck_you/pseuds/Abra_ca_fuck_you'>Abra_ca_fuck_you</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Future Wolfstar, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Past Child Abuse, Poppy Pomfrey is very important to me, Remus Lupin Has Issues, Remus is friends with paintings, Scars, Shakespearean Insults, actually im twelve so shut the fuck up, anger issues, is this angst?, wolfstar hasnt happened yet but it will</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:21:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,047</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764513</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abra_ca_fuck_you/pseuds/Abra_ca_fuck_you</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In their second year, Sirius thinks he's figured out Remus's secret. Sirius thinks Remus is like him. He hasn't. He isn't.</p><p>Title is from Strange Town by The Jam</p><p>I added the Sirius Black/Remus Lupin tag but nothing explicitly romantic happens in this fic, but it's not Not a Wolfstar Fic. They're just 12.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Remus Lupin &amp; Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black &amp; Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>50</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Week One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Pretty strong references to the physical abuse Sirius experienced. Nothing occurs "on screen."<br/>There's a description of Remus's transformation and the injuries that follow, I don't find it particularly graphic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was only a few days after the full moon, and Remus was still limping. Madam Pomfrey said he'd done something to his hip, something Remus could feel as he walked.</p>
<p>Since Remus crept back into the dorm room in the wee hours of the morning, something weird lingered in Sirius’s eyes when he looked at Remus. At first, Remus thought he was mad because he woke him up. But that didn't make sense with the sullen way he was acting.</p>
<p>Sirius was talking to Peter just fine, but when Remus tried to contribute, Sirius cut himself off with a squeak. He murmured something to James as he jerked up, and gripped his school bag to his chest.</p>
<p>His reaction felt like a boulder in Remus’s throat, making it impossible to finish his toast. The spittle that flew from James’s mouth as he spoke surely didn't help his appetite. James was talking about Evans’s newest insult, thrown that morning from across the common room.</p>
<p>“I don’t know how I feel about being beetle-headed, but flap-eared is kinda cute.”</p>
<p>“Like a dog?”</p>
<p>“And she called me a knave! Like a knight!” James thrust his fork out like a sword.</p>
<p>“Hyah!” Peter cheered, clinking his glass to James’s fork. Remus zeroed in on the bit of sausage that fell from the fork into Peter’s pumpkin juice.</p>
<p>“I -uh, forgot my potions kit, don’t wait up for me,” Remus said, feeling suddenly sick.</p>
<p>Remus nearly left behind the book he'd been reading, but James stuffed it into his bag as Remus slipped away.</p><hr/>
<p>Remus imagined every eye in the Great Hall boring holes into his back until the wind whistled between his bones. In the corridor, Remus couldn’t tell which way Sirius had gone, but he didn't imagine he’d gone towards the dungeons. Remus tugged self-consciously at his tie as he trudged up the staircase.</p>
<p>“Psst!” the portrait of Parias the Parishioner called out to Remus. Parias had taken a liking to him in his first year and tended to appear in paintings near him.</p>
<p>“Mr. Parias,” Remus shuffled across the hallway to greet the painting, and he leaned against the wall beside the portrait.</p>
<p>“Please, just Parias.”</p>
<p>“I’d call you by your last name if I knew it-“ Remus threatened.</p>
<p>Parias took a pained expression “I don’t even know it.” He sighed, and plucked one of his eyebrow hairs, “But I think I know who you are pursuing.”</p>
<p>“Well, which way’d he go?” Remus stepped off the wall to look at Parias. The Parishioner had a lazy eye and a tooth gap, looking out of place against the impressionist landscape behind him. Parias pointed north.</p>
<p>With bile on his tongue, Remus considered going towards the south, hiding in one of the low-ceilinged chambers on that side of the castle. He swallowed that thought back, nodded to Parias, and headed north.</p>
<p>The north side of the castle held the astronomy tower, the trophy hall, and the mirrored classroom. Those all seemed a touch too open, exposed. On the next floor up, Remus thought of the tapestry of blue knights. Sirius was the only other person who knew about the closet behind it. He’d shown Remus how it opened up if you pulled the loose red thread sticking out the back. The closet contained sparring swords of various lengths, that were spelled to stick to their racks.</p><hr/>
<p>When Remus reached the tapestry, the knights were on a break from training, burying their faces in steaming teacups. Some of their cups clattered to the ground when he lifted the tapestry to pull at the thread. The wall behind the tapestry was ever so slightly a different shade from the rest of the stone and had a strange wood grain texture. After pulling the red thread, a wooden door shuddered into existence in front of his eyes.</p>
<p>Remus was careful with the clicks of the doorknob as he pulled it open, but Sirius had turned to face the door already by the time it was open.</p>
<p>“If I'd known you were coming, I would've picked a better hiding place,” Sirius murmured to himself.</p>
<p>“You didn’t expect me to follow you?” Remus asked.</p>
<p>Sirius looked down at his shoelaces. “Close the door behind you, please.” The closet had no light of its own, for which Remus was thankful, so he wouldn't have to see Sirius avoiding his gaze. </p>
<p>Remus joined Sirius on the floor, and they sat quietly for a long moment. An outsider may even have thought the silence was companionable. But Remus’s three bites of toast turned over.</p>
<p>“What did I do?” Remus choked out. He could feel Sirius’s eyes on him, but his mind filled the gaps of the rest of his expression. Anger, distrust, disgust.</p>
<p>“Nothing,” Sirius replied. Remus had a sense that this much was true. But Sirius’s voice was small, scared.</p>
<p>‘He knows,’ the thought felt like a fever, one that crawled across his shoulders and over his scalp. Remus tried to get his feet underneath himself, but they slipped away from him.</p>
<p>Sirius’s hand was cold, but still it burned through Remus’s sleeve. “I’m worried about you-“ Sirius said but stopped when Remus shook his hand off.</p>
<p>Remus got to his feet, but fingers were grasping his pants leg. And, much too close, Sirius pulled himself up and held Remus by the shoulders.</p>
<p>“Remus, listen-“ Remus grasped the doorknob behind him, but found it unyielding.</p>
<p>“Sirius!” Remus yelled, “Open the door!”</p>
<p>“I didn’t lock it!”</p>
<p>“Oh, so Peeves is barring us in?” Remus could feel the heat settle between his ears, his sweaty fingers slipped off the doorknob. He thought he saw a flicker of silver, knew at least one of these swords- but Sirius’s hands were both still on his shoulders.</p>
<p>“Remus, please calm down.” His voice cracked on the words.</p>
<p>“So you can pin me down?” Remus shouted, “Cut me through?”</p>
<p>“Is that what they do?” Sirius asked, definitely choked up.</p>
<p>“It’s what they’d do if they knew,” he snarled. </p>
<p>“They- then I won't let them,” Sirius’s fingers dug in more. Remus went still. “You can go home with James, he- he offered the same to me, you know.”</p>
<p>Remus now tried to make eye contact with Sirius, despite the darkness. He couldn't sense any lies there. “What are you talking about?” His voice wavered.</p>
<p>“Merlin, Remus. Every time you come back, mate, oh you look awful.” Remus’s ears began ringing, as he slid down the door to sit again on the floor. “You go to Madam Pomfrey as- as soon as you're back, from- from your parents’”</p>
<p>“I’m ill, is all, like my mum.”</p>
<p>“You’ve scars, Remus-“</p>
<p>“-I scar easy-“</p>
<p>“-from lashings, Remus?” Remus heard Sirius scooch away, “I know Remus, I-I have them too.”</p>
<p>“You- you do?”</p>
<p>Sirius took a deep breath, “Yeah,” and he cast Lumos. Remus could see tear tracks down his cheeks. Shakily, Sirius handed his wand to Remus.</p>
<p>And by wandlight, he watched as Sirius unbuttoned his white shirt and pulled the borrowed band shirt over his head. And white, silvery scars. And as soon as he’d seen them, Sirius had pulled his tee back on, and he turned around with a different sort of flush on his cheeks.</p>
<p>“Parents gave me those over Easter hols last year,” Sirius said, eyes bouncing around the room. “Ripped some pages out of a muggle mag I stole and tacked them to my bedroom walls. Even my father couldn’t get them down,” he laughed, but without any genuine amusement.</p>
<p>“You do have a knack for sticking spells. There’s a prank idea in there,” Remus tried to change the subject.</p>
<p>Sirius smiled and plucked his wand out of Remus’s fingers. “I just want you to know, I understand. I think I do.”</p>
<p>Remus pulled at the fraying threads on the cuff of his sweater, “I don’t think you do.”</p>
<p>Sirius met his eyes for the first time that day, “James really did offer to take me in. I’m sure he’d take you too. We- we could all be brothers! James and Remus and… and Sirius Potter!”</p>
<p>“Sirius…” Remus wrapped his arms around his knees, “That’s… not really what’s happening. My parents love me. They’d never really hurt me.”</p>
<p>“I thought that too, y’know? But Remus, every month, you have bad dreams before you're due to visit your sick mum.” Sirius curls up, a mirror of Remus, “Then after spending the night there, you spend all day in the hospital wing. You’ll have a limp, or you’ll cradle your wrist or bruises! Merlin, bruises up and down your thighs, right? You’re wincing every time you sit, Remus,” His voice cracked again, “And you think it’s love. Because they still say ‘I love you’ every night before bed-“ Sirius wiped his nose off on his knees.</p>
<p>Remus had no idea how to comfort people. When his mum cried, his presence usually just made it worse. But it didn’t seem right to run away right now.</p>
<p>“We have charms soon. But we could… talk later if you’d like?” Remus reached a hand out, almost putting it on Sirius’s shoulder before he thought better of it. Sirius sniffled one last time, wiped his eyes with his palms, then nodded at Remus.</p>
<p>“O-okay.”</p>
<p>Remus stood up first, offered Sirius his hand, and led him to the nearby bathroom, not unlacing their fingers until they were inside. Remus didn't even notice that the closet door was no longer locked.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Week Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter has the implication of self harm</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus didn't know if he should tell Sirius he wasn’t… like him? Sirius obviously didn't buy the sick mum story. But it was probably definitely wrong to let Sirius think that about Remus’s parents. And what if James really did want to take them in?</p><p>These thoughts were why Remus was drawing Wiggen Vines in Charms, instead of taking his usual fastidious notes.</p><p>Flitwick looked expectantly at Remus. He had just asked a question, and no one had raised a hand. Remus could usually be relied upon to at least guess but at this moment, he had nothing to offer.</p><p>Sirius thrust his hand into the air and smiled at Remus. With a look of surprise, Flitwick invited Sirius to answer.</p><p>“The incantation is Arresto Momento, Sir.”</p><p>“Arresto Momentum,” Flitwick corrected, and at the same time, stopped a ball of paper from hitting Remus in the back of the head “Care to share your note with the class, Mr. Potter?”</p><p>James preened under the attention and leaned forward to pluck the note out of the air. “Let’s see… First, there's a super cool drawing by Mister Pettigrew, of him and myself as knights. We are locked in battle with a sticky, slimy, sniveling, snake.”</p><p>Flitwick sighed, “Is that the entire content of the note, Mr. Potter?”</p><p>James seemed a little less proud of himself. “Uh, yup. In its entirety.”</p><p>Flitwick wordlessly summoned the paper, “Then I’m sure you wouldn't mind if I hung it on the board. A shame to keep such a fine piece of art to yourself, though I do wish Mr. Pettigrew would practice elsewhere.” Flitwick unfolded the note, read it, and his expression softened. “Perhaps I will just hold onto it for now. Though I do request one of you come by to pick it up after class.”</p><p>Remus could be mistaken, but Flitwick’s eye seemed to linger on him with a pitying expression. He burned with curiosity as to what exactly was on that paper. What did James know, or think he knew? What did Sirius say? And worst of all, did they talk about him behind his back?</p><p>Remus slouched further in his chair and started adding leaves to his vines. There was no chance he’d be able to write something useful today. He could always consult Evans if he was struggling. James had said she’d charmed the pants off of him, but Remus couldn’t imagine why she would want to.</p>
<hr/><p>It was no small miracle that Remus was able to shrug off the other three boys after he stayed after charms to retrieve James’s note. As the rest of the classroom emptied, Flitwick smiled at him and waved him into his office. The shelves in his office were overflowing with books, arcana, and more. Remus couldn’t imagine how the man would possibly be able to reach all of his possessions.</p><p>Flitwick has to hop a little bit to climb into his chair but, Remus still shies away from his gaze. “I was hoping it’d be you who stays behind. But I think you'll understand why I didn't single you out, Mr. Lupin,” Flitwick said, as he slid the note across the table.</p>
<hr/>
<p></p><div class="align-center">
  <p class="font-serif">where did sirius and remus go before class?</p>
  <p class="caps">i think they talked about remus’s thing</p>
  <p class="font-serif">do you really think hes… yknow?</p>
  <p class="caps">lets see what siri thinks</p>
  <p class="caps">HEY SIRIUS!!</p>
</div><hr/><p>The last line was charmed to shake as it was read.</p><p>“Mr. Lupin… do you know what they’re talking about?” Flitwick had a sad look on his face.</p><p>Remus chuckled dryly, “Professor, Sirius thinks that… that when I leave to see my sick mum, that my parents… cause my injuries.”</p><p>Flitwick pursed his lips, “I am afraid that I have an inkling of what situation Mr. Black resides in, that has led him to this assumption.”</p><p>“He has scars, Professor.”</p><p>Flitwick folds his hands in front of him, “I wish there were things we could do to help Mr. Black. But in the society we live in, his family has a whole lot of power, that you and I do not, Mr. Lupin.” Flitwick sighs, and meets Remus’s eyes, “And I hate to suggest it but, perhaps Mr. Black’s assumption… does not need to be refuted.”</p><p>“I, I don’t know, Professor. It doesn’t seem right.”</p><p>“It would be a good way to avoid questions, but ultimately, it is up to you. You’re excused, Mr. Lupin. I hear they’ve Shepherd's pie for lunch today.”</p><p>“Thanks, Professor,” Remus barely remembered to say before he left. Just down the hall, James and Peter were sitting on a bench waiting for him.</p><p>“I’m sorry if we got you in trouble-“ Peter squeaked.</p><p>“I don’t want you gossiping about me anymore,” Remus said. He was still undecided about what Flitwick had suggested until he saw the pity in Peter’s eyes. “My dad would never lay a hand on me.”</p>
<hr/><p>Parias wasn't the best confidante, he tended to get confused, forgetting who he’s supposed to be speaking to; he quite literally didn't know where he belonged. </p><p>Sitting on the floor of the portrait hall was a calming activity for Remus. The titles, engraved in metal, were short enough to read with ease. He’d write them down in his little notebook, using a pen bought from the only convenience store in his hometown.</p><p>Sometimes when Remus had a headache from going cross-eyed, Parias would slide into painting after painting. Remus would ask him philosophical questions.</p><p>“Do you feel at home here?”</p><p>“Not particularly.”</p><p>“Are you comfortable?”</p><p>“I’m knee-deep in thestral shit.”</p><p>“I’ll write that down as a No.”</p><p>The magic of the Portrait Hall was such that paintings from across Hogwarts would get their time to shine. Otherwise, Remus and Parias would be marching across the whole castle on this search. the one time they tried that, Remus’s knees were aching for days.</p><p>“Something’s bothering you.”</p><p>“No way,” Remus said, with his arm thrown over his eyes.</p><p>“Remus, I ask because I care.”</p><p>Remus pulled his arm away from his face, Parias was sitting on a porch swing, rocking gently back and forth as he looked down at Remus.</p><p>“Do you feel at home in that painting?”</p><p>“Of course I don't, Remus, I’ve got my back to a big empty field. What’s got you feeling down?”</p><p>“Agoraphobia”</p><p>“Is that so?”</p><p>“Mmhm. I'm scared of the Great Hall now.”</p><p>“What happened there?” Parias asked, proud to have found a question that Remus couldn't deftly dodge.</p><p>Remus sighed. “Sirius thinks that, when I visit my mum, my parents… hurt me. That when I come back tired, it's because of them.”</p><p>“Is it?”</p><p>“No!” Remus sat straight up to glare at Parias. “They love me, they sacrifice so much, for me.”  <em> And you think it’s love. </em>With Sirius’s voice ringing in his head, Remus started to repack his bag.</p><p>“Remus, really-“</p><p>“ThanksomuchMr.Pariaswe’lltalklater.” Remus walked as fast as he could without running. About ten minutes left in the lunch period before Remus had to head to the dungeons for potions. Gryffindor Tower was too far to be worth his time walking out, and going down to the kitchens was entirely out of the question.</p><p>Remus ducked into one of the few passageways that contained no picture frames. It would not have been out of character for Parias to track him down. In here, curtains hung not only in front of the windows but across the passageway, providing some privacy that upperclassmen are not ignorant of.</p>
<hr/><p>Remus decided he should sit with Evans in potions. She took pity on him. He usually hated that, but at times like this it came in handy. Remus began overthinking exactly what time exactly he should walk into Potions. Evans usually arrived before James, Pete, and Sirius, But Remus didn't want to allow them time to say anything before class. Remus also had to be there before Snape.</p><p>There was, however, something to be done about that. It was Remus who had taught James the tripping jinx after all.</p><p>Remus had a natural gift for sneaking, avoiding the squeaky steps, and slipping through doorways. All this found him at the bottom of the main stairs to the dungeon, watching for that greasy head.</p><p>It was weirdly pleasing, how most people’s eyes slipped right past Remus. How he could hide in plain sight. When he spotted Snape, he let his bangs fall into his eyes. That git had it out for him, would never glaze past him.</p><p>Remus pointed his wand, and under his breath said “Lapsus Remora” He watched as Snape’s right foot missed the step, sinking into the trick step he should know to avoid by now. Remus snickered and joined the stream of students after the three Gryffindors passed him by.</p>
<hr/><p>Avoiding Sirius was never going to be sustainable, but Remus had hoped it’d last him a few days. He certainly had not expected to be locked in the bathroom that same night.</p><p>“You’re avoiding me.”</p><p>“No shit. Hadn’t noticed.”</p><p>“Peter told me what you said.”</p><p>“I remember telling you lot not to gossip about me.” Sirius had the dignity to look guilty, but he still held his arms outstretched in front of the bathroom door.</p><p>“I just wanted to talk. We’ve been through the same things.”</p><p>Remus laughed, “You don’t know what I’ve ‘been through’! You have no idea!”</p><p>“I- I already showed you!”</p><p>“My dad doesn't hit me!”</p><p>“Then who does, Remus?!”</p><p>“I do!” </p><p>Remus thought about something his dad had said once, “That boy’s temper will be the end of me.” His parents were sipping tea at 3 am, and foolishly thought Remus couldn't hear them through the walls. Remus even heard the tears in his mother’s reply.</p><p>Sirius dropped his arms. His expression was full of questions. Remus just slipped past him. In the dorm, James and Peter didn't seem to have overheard anything. There is no signal more definite than shut curtains.</p>
<hr/><p>Sirius had never been the sort to stare at his scars. But since the bathroom argument, his eyes crawled across his scars. Particularly the three parallel lines that run from his hairline down his neck. Remus felt his skin crawl and wished he could tear it off.</p><p>Other than the stares, it was easy enough for Remus to avoid Sirius. He no longer elbowed his way into a seat beside Remus. He slipped out of one-on-one conversations at the first chance he got. But Sirius was still stealing ratty band shirts from Remus’s wardrobe. Remus told himself he didn't mind, that he didn't need them.</p><p>Evans was nicer, now that he wasn't hanging out with the other boys. She was also much less likely to tackle him to the ground and poke him between the ribs. Maybe that's why it didn't seem right to call her by her first name.</p><p>He stayed up late with Evans playing Spit in the common room. His plan was to waste time for at least as long as it took for a prefect to tell them off for their slapping.</p><p>“Are you alright, Remus?” Evans was shuffling her muggle card deck for another round.</p><p>“Hand’ll be red for a bit, but I’ll be fine.”</p><p>“Why’ve your dorm mates been avoiding you then?” Remus quietly watched Evans deal the deck, and only shrugged in response. Evans sighed, “Not that I don't enjoy hanging out with you so much, but they’re going to do something phenomenally stupid eventually.”</p><p>“It’s none of your business, Evans.” Remus stood up and stomped away. As he climbed further up the steps to the dorm, he started to drag his feet.</p><p>“It just doesn’t make sense, James!”</p><p>“Haven’t you done enough? You already chased him away.”</p><p>He lingered outside the door, shifting from one foot to another. He couldn't go down to the common room but didn’t want to walk in on this discussion.</p><p>“Can’t we just leave him be?”</p><p>“Do either of you even care?”</p><p>Pity. There was pity in Sirius’s voice. Remus couldn’t listen any longer. He went down the stairs, then climbed back up, louder this time. When he opened the door, Sirius and James were sitting cross-legged on James’s bed, and Peter had his curtains drawn.</p><p>“Thought I asked you guys to stop talking about me,” He said, walking straight to his bed and shutting the curtains. There was a thump a couple moments later when he kicked his shoes to the floor.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Week Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is less well-edited than the others, I'll admit. But classes are starting back up, so I thought it better to just release anyways.</p><p>There's a short description of the discomforts associated with a werewolf transformation, nothing gratuitous.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day, Evans sat right beside Remus at breakfast. “Did you talk to them last night?” she asked.</p><p>“Nothing to talk about.”</p><p>“So Black is looking at you like your puffskein died because..?”</p><p>Sure enough, Sirius was looking at Remus with pity. Remus crumpled his nose and stuck his tongue at him. Sirius looked away without rising to the bait and continued his conversation with Peter.</p><p>“Well?”</p><p>“It’s nothing.”</p><p>Evans sighed, “And is there any reason you called me Evans last night? I thought we were closer than that.”</p><p>Remus groaned and rested his head in his hands. “I- I’m sorry. I just get afraid. I wouldn’t want to offend you.”</p><p>“Well,” her voice took a gentler tone, “I would appreciate being called Lily.”</p><p>“Alright then”</p><p>“And they might be prats, but you really should talk to your friends,” Lily added. She placed a hand on Remus’s shoulder, and he avoided shaking her off, which felt like quite the accomplishment.</p><p>“I’ll think about it.”</p><p>It was weird, having Lily try to push him back together with the other boys. She found them quite insufferable. She claimed that she was just afraid of what they’d get up to without Remus to mitigate.</p><p>In the week leading up to the full moon, Remus felt Sirius looking at him again. Or he may have just been anxious. He always got more anxious this time of the month. He also saw him in the library more often, with a comic book tucked inside of a textbook. Maybe he was hiding from a ghost he'd upset.</p><p>Remus’s appetite always became unpredictable before the full, but he knew by now that if he didn’t eat, Pomfrey had her ways of knowing. Probably just her eyes. But it was kind of fun to imagine her with a web of spies.</p><p>He pushed his scrambled eggs across his plate, mixing them with his ketchup. If he looked to his right, he’d see James and Sirius whispering something, Peter nodding furiously. They were probably brainstorming for Halloween in a little more than a week.</p><p>No wonder you don't want to eat,” Lily wrinkled her nose, “Ketchup has no place on eggs.”</p><p>Mckinnon snorted, “You just hate ketchup, won't even put it on your hashbrowns.”</p><p>“I prefer maple syrup.”</p><p>“On hashbrowns?”</p><p>“It’s really pretty good,” Remus interjected. Mckinnon seemed surprised to hear him speak and Lily smiled smugly.</p><p>“Sweet and Salty!”</p><p>“That's what she said,” Meadowes added.</p><p>“What does that even mean?!” Lily said, and in the chaos, Lupin slipped away, planning to sleep through the morning. He was aware of Sirius watching him leave, maybe Sirius was one of Pomfrey’s spies.</p><p>“Is your mum getting sick again?” Remus woke up to Sirius’s voice, from outside of his bed curtains. “You’re not sleeping well, did you get bad news?”</p><p>Remus wanted to press a pillow into his face, he wanted to roll over and sleep for years, wrap himself in a thousand layers of blankets so he could never hurt anyone again.</p><p>“She took a fall yesterday,” the lie came easily off his tongue. “So it’s not a full relapse, but she's fragile, y’know?”</p><p>Sirius’s voice was rather small, “Please don't hurt yourself. It’s- it’s not your fault.”</p><p>Remus sighed, “I don't plan to.” Sirius couldn’t possibly be one of Pomfrey’s spies, she’d never choose someone with such an awful bedside manner. “How would it be my fault my mum fell anyways? Where do you think I got my clumsiness from?”</p><p>“Ahh. I don’t know what I was saying,” he laughed awkwardly, “Well, Pete and Jim have a game of Exploding Snap going, we could start a tournament.”</p><p>Remus hummed in acknowledgment, rolled over, and slept through to dinner. At dinner, he received a letter from Pomfrey, she used a specific owl with Remus in particular. Temistocles always appeared rumpled, and slightly annoyed. But he was one of few owls that didn't take issue with Remus. The only other one Remus could think of was his father’s owl Farkas.</p>
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<p></p><div class="align-center">
  <p class="font-serif">You know better than to skip lunch.</p>
  <p class="font-serif">Please stop by the Hospital wing at 11 am tomorrow.</p>
</div><hr/><p>The note was succinct, and Remus tore it up almost immediately. Lily looked at him with a question in her eyes.</p><p>“My mother twisted...her rib. When she fell yesterday.”</p><p>“Is she going to be alright, Remus?”</p><p>“Yeah, she should be. But she’d like to see me tomorrow.”</p><p>“Will you be back on Monday? Should I take notes for you?”</p><p>“Uhh, probably not. I'll be in Charms on Tuesday though. I’ll see to it.”</p><p>Lily nodded, and cut herself a piece of steak. They always served steak the night before the full at Hogwarts. Probably a ploy by Pomfrey to keep Remus from losing more weight.</p>
<hr/><p>Kind of morbid how the hospital wing felt homely now. It was one of the few places in the castle that didn't struggle to stay warm, the beds were really quite comfortable, and the curtains come pre-prepared with one-way muffling charms.</p><p>“What’s the story, Mr. Lupin?” Madam Pomfrey asked with humor.</p><p>“Mum twisted her rib falling down the stairs.”</p><p>Pomfrey raised an eyebrow, “Did she now? Must have been quite the feat. Did you eat breakfast this morning, Remus?”</p><p>“Couple strips of bacon,” Remus said, as he sat on his usual bed. He kicked his shoes off and laid down.</p><p>“Your lunch should arrive in an hour and a half,” she said, shut the curtains, and left Remus to sleep.</p><p>That evening, Pomfrey walked Remus to the Whomping Willow, her hand on his shoulder guiding him forward. They stopped just outside of the reach of the tree, and Pomfrey winked at Remus as she picked up a stone, and hurled it at the knot in the tree.</p><p>Pomfrey didn’t follow Remus into the house anymore and hadn’t since last Christmas. She didn’t like to see the bloodstained rugs and torn curtains.</p><p>She rubbed a thumb over Remus’s cheek, and Remus felt himself sag into the contact. The only other person he was comfortable touching him like that was his mother.</p><p>The first phase, before the moon even rose, was an itchy feeling under his skin, one that Remus had long since learned could never be scratched. He removed his clothing, folding it neatly in the wardrobe. </p><p>Last month, Remus had been surprised to find all of the blankets replenished. Remus chose a knitted afghan and wrapped it around his shoulders. He stared into the empty fireplace. Waiting.</p><p>Remus couldn't help but imagine what happened to Sirius, what Sirius thought happened to him. Maybe Sirius had been tasked to select his own switch from the tree in the yard, like a book character Remus had read about.</p><p>His father wasn’t a very patient man, but Remus couldn't imagine him wielding a switch, or snapping a belt. But Sirius could, and Remus momentarily flushes with anger.</p><p>But Sirius only knows what he was raised with. If it’s true… of course he'd see cruelty everywhere.</p><p>Sirius would be watching him when he returned. Perhaps Remus could just hide in the Shrieking Shack forever. He didn't want to be watched, to be pitied. </p><p>Something shifted. Remus wished he could look out the window at the sky, but they’re boarded up.</p><p>Like lightning from the base of his neck through his spine and down his limbs, the shift began. The last thing he remembers before blacking out is his finger bones lengthening, bursting through his fingertips.</p>
<hr/><p>Some nights, the wolf disappears quickly, cowardly, and Remus experiences the shift to humanity. But tonight the wolf lingered, and he’d never say it, but Remus is always thankful for these nights. When he returns to a boy’s body, instead of a wolf’s. </p><p>Remus is curled underneath the coffee table, gnaw marks in the table leg in front of his eyes. His whimpers still sounded rather animalistic, and he had rug burn on his cheek.</p><p>His left shoulder complained when he tried to sit up. It’s not deep, but the wolf clawed up his shoulder blade. They’d be pink lines by the end of the night. Remus hadn’t scarred himself permanently since starting at Hogwarts, but that might be more Pomfrey’s doing than anything else.</p><p>Remus crawled out from under the table, respecting his shoulder. His joints ached, as they always did after. But it was an overall easier moon than usual, despite being exhausting.</p><p>He’s only managed to get an oversized t-shirt on when Pomfrey knocked on the door. She always knocks before entering.</p><p>“You look well. Do you need any help dressing, Remus?” She stepped out of the bedroom when he shook his head. He dressed himself gingerly, and when he joined Pomfrey in the living room she said, “Don’t think you're going back to class today, however.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Pomfrey reached out to stroke his cheek, but Remus leaned out of her reach. She frowned and wiped her hands off on her apron.</p><p>“Alrighty. Let’s get you to bed then.” Remus let Pomfrey wrap him in her robe as they walked across the lawn. She was a comforting warmth against his back in the late October air.</p><p>There was a lemon poppyseed muffin on the bedside table, but Remus ignored it as he crawled between the sheets. A Valiant effort on Pomfrey’s part, that was his favorite sort of muffin. But Remus’s stomach was always unsteady after a full moon, the side effect of chewing on furniture and yourself.</p><p>A couple of hours later, Remus woke up to the sound of fabric swishing. His eyes just about fell out of his head when he saw Sirius standing at the foot of his bed. </p><p>Remus pulled the sheet subconsciously up to his chin and hissed at Sirius, “What are you doing here?”</p><p>Sirus hadn’t expected to be caught, from the look on his face. “What about you?” he asked accusingly.</p><p>“I’m trying to sleep.”</p><p>“Funny. Because I thought you were visiting your mom.” </p><p>Remus gaped at being caught in his lie. “I came back early,” he said, pulling the sheet even higher.</p><p>“Why? Who hurt you?”</p><p>Remus sat up in a flash of anger, “I did!” the sheet pooled around his waist, and the movement opened the scratches on his shoulder. Sirius stared at his shoulder for a long moment, as though he could see through the fabric of his sleeve. Remus reached up to touch it and understood Sirius’s expression. blood had started to seep through the sleeve.</p><p>The tension broke, and Sirius rushed forward to Remus’s side. Remus tried to fight him off, but he was exhausted and still a little drowsy from sleep. Sirius pushed up his sleeve and revealed three unmistakable claw marks.</p><p>“Y-you did this?”</p><p>Remus’s ears started ringing, and he felt faint. A feverish feeling went through his chest and ice down his back.</p>
<hr/><p>Sunlight cast through the windows of the hospital wing and across his face. Remus woke up with one hand grasped over his shoulder. He almost wanted to think it was just a dream. That would explain why he wasn't getting arrested. But there was blood on his sleeve and on his fingers.</p><p>The muffin still sat on his bedside table. His hand shook, just slightly, as he reached for it. This could well be the last thing he ate from the Hogwarts kitchens.</p><p>Pomfrey walked in holding a potion as Remus polished off the muffin.</p><p>“P-potions don’t work on me,” Remus said around his last bite.</p><p>“This is just a meal replacement. I thought it might be a bit easier for you to stomach,” Pomfry smiled and set the drink down on the bedside. </p><p>Remus looked warily at the glass. “I’d… rather not.”</p><p>“I suppose it’s not a very appetizing color,” Pomfrey frowned. The potion had a pale yellow tone and was completely opaque. “I can’t force you to drink it.”</p><p>That reassured Remus. It was likely to be what she’d said, and she didn't seem to think anything was wrong.</p><p>“C-can I go to class today?” He asked, she’d know something was wrong if he didn’t.</p><p>“Tomorrow, Mr. Lupin. You may go to class tomorrow.” She lifted a hand, but thought better of it, “What time did you say you’d be back to the castle? Because Mr. Black has been asking after you all morning.”</p><p>“T-tomorrow.”</p><p>Pomfrey furrowed her brows, “You really need to be a better storyteller. He was very certain you were here already.” </p><p>Remus looked down at his hands for a moment. “Alright. I’m going to sleep some more if that’s alright.”</p><p>Pomfrey’s expression softened. “Should I let him in if he asks again?” Remus considered saying no, wanting to hide forever. But there was no place more private than his room in the hospital wing. Pomfrey herself would only be summoned if Remus was physically injured.</p>
<hr/><p>Remus had actually managed to fall asleep by the time Sirius reappeared. He had a notebook in his arms, which surprised Remus.</p><p>“I took notes for you in Transfiguration.”</p><p>“Lily’s already taking notes for me.”</p><p>“Oh.” Sirius’s finger twitched on the cover of his notebook.</p><p>“Why haven't you snitched yet?” Remus’s tone was rather acerbic.</p><p>“Why would I?” For a moment, Remus thought that maybe Sirius hadn’t figured it out yet, because if he had, why would he willingly be in the same room as Remus, offering him notes when Remus had never seen him take notes in his life?</p><p>“I don't care what you do when the full moon rises,” Sirius said with a smirk.</p><p>Remus rubbed his knuckles and tried to stop his tears from falling. “You don't know what I do,” he whispered. Sirius crept closer to the bed.</p><p>“It’s not your fault-“</p><p>“You. Don’t. Know.” Remus’s fingernails dug into his palm, leaving crescent imprints.</p><p>Sirius stepped back but continued to speak anyway. “You’re my best friend”</p><p>“-I thought that was James-“</p><p>“And knowing that you’re a werewolf,” that word always made Remus flinch, “Doesn’t make you a different person.”</p><p>“I was lying about who I am.”</p><p>“Sometimes lying is good.”</p><p>“You sound like a Slytherin.”</p><p>“It’s in my blood,” Sirius smiled a sort of sad bitter smile.</p><p>“You… you can’t tell anyone,” Remus’s voice was quite small, “Not even James.”</p><p>“I won’t. This is our secret.” Remus rather liked the idea of that, something of their own, that only belonged to the two of them. If he ignored the specifics that is.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If I do decide to make this a series, the au premise would be that James and Peter don't ever learn Remus's secret. <br/>Although I'm a little less keen on the idea than I was last week. And classes have started this week, so who knows. I'd love the chance to talk more about Parias, and other portraits too. But I also got an idea in my head with divorced wolfstar and Howl's Moving Castle aesthetics. So if that sounds interesting, let me know.</p><p>I'd love to hear what you guys think, however. That would really make all the difference in whether or not I write more.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The chapter titles (Week One, Two, Three) aren't a literal reference to how much time has passed, the next chapter actually starts on the same day this one ends.<br/>Again, I'd love to hear from any of you guys. Depending on the response I might write more in this series, it's a bit of an au, in a way that'll make more sense once the third chapter is up.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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